Ah, yes, bumper stickers. Americans' way of using their cars to shove their beliefs into other people's faces. Or to at least inform their fellow drivers that their child is probably smarter. I mean, middle school honor roll is a pretty big deal. Colleges check that shit, you know? Now, I'm all about freedom of expression, but there's a direct correlation between bumper stick (B) amount and lunacy (L). Direct Proportionality, people!
The higher B is, then the chances are L is higher, too.
If you have more than 2 bumper stickers on your car, you're toeing the "I'm a lunatic!" line.
If you have over 10, I... I don't even know what to say, except that I find it highly unlikely that you genuinely care
that much about
that many things.
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| I'm a liberal and I care SO much about everything! |
Do I have any bumper stickers on my car? No. I do have a window decal though. My classmate died; wanna fight about it? Nah, it's nothing big. No two-feet by three-feet "RIP Pedro! Viva para Siempre!" in Old English font. Just something small. But that's it. I'm cut off. No matter how strongly I feel about the exploitation of Muppet workers in Micronesia. Or how much I hate vice-presidential candidate Maximilian Snowjob's stance on global warming's effects on the ability of a Prius to run on french fry oil... or whatever.
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| I'm a conservative I love babies and firearms! |
I repeat: who honestly cares that much about that many of the "issues" covering the backside of their 1984 Honda Civic? I can't even commit to a brand of foundation or mascara, and it has nothing to do with animal testing. Because seriously, who cares how dogs look in mascara? (FYI, I'm not okay with animal testing, but you wouldn't know that by reading my car). I'm not all in your face about about my political agenda, personal agenda, sexuality agenda, etc. So I shouldn't be able to peg your exactly personality type just by looking at your car, either.
Living in Lawrence, I see a lot of these outspoken vehicles driven by the "99%". I don't know about you, but if the group of people doing that is that large, that sounds kind of mainstream to me. However, don't think I'm singling out the dirty hipsters. No, no, the conservative douche bags are just as obnoxious as the liberal douche bags. I don't care if your Calvin sticker is peeing on Obama or if he's peeing on the Ford emblem, you look like a moron. Because that's how all conservatives solve their problems: by peeing on then.
So, let's all take a baby step and start by peeling one sticker off of your car. Even though it may hurt, think of it as one small step towards being able to speak and think for yourself.
